You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize