You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
