i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
