Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
