Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
