i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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