If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
