I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
