Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
