well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
