This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
