you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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