My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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