You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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