My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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