Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
