in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
