You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
