someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
