I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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