his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
