The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
