just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
