i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
