He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
