it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
did i just pee glitter
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
