this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think your dad took our porno
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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