So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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