i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's Friday. Sex?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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