um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
