hotel room ftw
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
