Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
