As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
