all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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