I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
how drunk are you?
Several
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
