girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
