Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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