I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
