You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
