I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
