u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My vagina is officially offended.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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