Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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