i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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