mondays should just be called national damage control day
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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