Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
