return my video game
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
