You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize