Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
