Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
