How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
