In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
