im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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