do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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