I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
