is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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