He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
