like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
