cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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