Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
