he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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