you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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