Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
