dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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