I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
