she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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